When Your Daughter Thinks That You’re The Competition

When Your Daughter Thinks That You’re The Competition

You took off the makeup, wore looser clothes, you’ve tried it all to make her feel better. Why doesn’t she understand that you’re not her competitor? You’ve certainly dealt with your share of situations with jealous women over the years, but never, ever did you imagine your that your own daughter would be jealous of you. You brushed it off at first. You denied it, you thought she was just acting spoiled. 

She thinks that you’re doing too much with your fitted jeans and infectious laugh. You notice her staring at you. She says things to you like, “You’re lucky that you have smooth skin/or that you’re thin.” She verbally lashes out lash, “Please put another blouse on!” or “Dress your age!” Before she has company she instructs you how to act, no jokes, no “little dances.” Then there’s the request that really stings – stay in your room.Your very grown ass will do just that too, anything to make your baby feel at ease. 

Life For Me Aint Been No Crystal Stair

Hopefully you’ve shared you’re own stories with your daughter about growing up and some of the hurdles you had to face with jealousy, mean girls, and self-esteem. How did you get through those tough moments? The name calling, the haters. She needs to hear from you. Even if you were always the prettiest girl in the classroom or the most popular did you feel alienated or hated on? Were things made too easy for you based on your looks? Did you have to prove that you were more than a pretty face? She needs to hear from you. She needs to know your story. 

Being A Confident Woman Often Takes A Lot Of Work

It took a lot to get where you are today. Your comfortable in your skin and sometimes you still may struggle.Your stories and experiences have created you. At this age, you know who you are. You know our likes and dislikes. You’re not trying to blend in and pretend for anyone. You’re well developed, get along with others, compliment women when they’re doing good and looking good -it’s who you are. However, she’s not there yet. She doesn’t understand her strength and her beauty. Your words of encouragement are just words, especially if she’s dealing with acne or other prepubescent issues. For some daughters their may be other issues that you have to acknowledge and address. There can be colorism, favoritism, personality clashes, family discrimination. If it’s too much for you to handle try family therapy.

Don’t Make Yourself Smaller to Make Her Feel Bigger

As a mother you’re going to protect your children by any means necessary. You’re their first teacher. The mother/daughter dynamic can be testing at times, that’s why it’s important very early on to teach her about persevering through adversity.  Instill values and self worth. You can’t do that by hiding in your room when she has company. If you’re complying to her wishes what are you conveying about your own worth? 

 For a lot of us, still the way we look equates to how we feel and if we don’t feel good all types of hell will be projected to others. Yup, that’s pretty much what babygirl is going through. Growing pains suck. The sooner she knows how to cope and to navigate her feelings the better off she will be. 

Are you dealing with this situation? What advice would you give a mom that’s going through this issue with her daughter?  I’m interested in hearing from you.

Part 2, When you’re doing the most to compete with your daughter. I’ll talk about this over on my YouTube Channel.

tags: competitiondaughterinsecurityjealousy

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